The Horcrux Chronicles
by njhill22
Summary: The real story behind what happened to the seven Horcruxes.
1. The Locket

**Chapter 1 - The Locket**

The TiVo had been set to record yet another rousing rendition of _Dateline: To Catch a Predator_. Except tonight there would be no should-be-suspecting, unsuspecting child molesters being busted by a reporter with raunchy transcripts in hand. Instead the trusty TiVo would record a different special, sure to please…if not, someone at the network would be losing their job for the low ratings. After all, what else could combat the ratings powerhouse known as _American Idol._

Good old TiVo started and stopped right on schedule. Now the lone recording for the evening lye in wait for it's viewer to watch. 

And it waited, and it waited….

Finally! The viewer had accessed the recording and sat back on the couch to watch. But wait! The pause button was pushed and the viewer went to the kitchen. After all, you can't watch _To Catch a Predator_ without being popcorn and soda ready. Alas, the play button was pushed and the show began.

"What the hell is this?!?!" The viewer exclaimed, spilling some popcorn in the process.

The viewer picked up the pieces of popcorn off of the couch and ate them. Might as well watch, there was still a bowl of popcorn to eat and a glass of soda to drink.

And so it began…. 

_**THE HORCRUX CHRONICLES**_

It all began in a pawn shop in England. Where in England? Well, no one can ever be quite certain. Probably somewhere near London since it's the most talked about city. Reginald Angus Botsworth, RAB for short, was in the market for nice piece of jewelry. The heavy, ugly, not to mention unopenable locket seemed to fit the bill.

RAB loved his necklace. He loved it more than his wife. Unfortunately, the wife figured this out and fled to America to start a new life. Rumor had it that she was living in New York City working in an upscale gentlemen's club. After being threatened a few times by his in-laws, RAB boarded a plane at Heathrow Airport. Eight hours of watching straight to video movies later, he landed at JFK Airport. 

RAB was pleasantly surprised to find that he was only missing $100 from riding the subway by the time he reached Manhattan. Not really wanting to find his estranged wife, he decided to go on a red, double-decker _New York Sightseeing_ tour bus instead. He sat on the top, enjoying the breeze, smog, beeping taxi cabs, swearing pedestrians and most of all…his beloved necklace. He really did make the necklace look good.

Husband of the year, RAB, got off of the bus at the Empire State Building, right on the corner of 34th and 5th. He walked one whole block to 33rd and went west. About halfway down the block was _Rick's Cabaret & Steakhouse_, where his wonderful wife was employed. Sitting at a table by himself, he enjoyed a hearty 12 ounce medium-rare steak, beer and the occasional stripper checking up on him.

His wife, alias name Misty Mounds, was up to perform. Making sure he was front and center, he enjoyed her show. He stood up and gave her a twenty in her g-string. She was horrified and ran off stage after recognizing him. He laughed and left the club. It was time for more sightseeing. 

What tourist visit would be complete without a visit to the Statue of Liberty? None of course.

So off to downtown Reggie headed. Finding the South Ferry and cruising the pristine waters of the Hudson River. It was then the worst event that happened in his life occurred. While trying to swat away a pesky seagull, his hand knocked the locket upward, his ducking aiding in the chain finding it's way over his head….

Reginald Angus Botsworth looked overboard just in time to see the splash of water the necklace made.

But that was not the end of the journey for the necklace….

It was eaten by a fish after sinking halfway to the bottom. The fish immediately regretted his gluttonous decision as the heavy locket weighed him down and made him much slower. The fish feared he might not be able to out swim the evil nets that were cast down from the heavens, known as the Chelsea Fish Market, and claimed fish lives daily.

And he was right. He was the first fish to get caught in the net. Rising higher and higher, the fish was ready to meet his maker. Out of the water and almost out of breath, his maker picked him up first from all of the other fish. He always knew he had been a good fish.

The fisherman took out his knife and cut open the fish that looked like it had something protruding from it. Oddly enough the fish seemed to have swallowed a necklace with an ugly, not to mention heavy, locket on it. Thinking he might be able to make some quick money from a pawn shop, he put it on so he wouldn't lose it.

After clocking out of work, the fisherman began wandering around Chelsea in search of a pawn shop. But this was not his lucky night. Somebody pushed him out of the way as they ran passed him, almost knocking him down. He swore at his assailant and then realized what he was running from. A car drove by and a shot was fired. It hit him right in the chest.

Later in the hospital, the fisherman was signing his release papers after receiving a few stitches.

"Oh sir, I'm sorry." The nurse said to him, holding the damaged trinket.  
"For what? That thing saved my life" He asked.  
She handed him the ugly, now dented and deformed locket, "Oh, I thought it was a family heirloom."  
Feeling bad, he thanked her for it.

It started to crumble apart in his hand. What a cheap piece of shit it was, he wouldn't have gotten any money for it.

He threw it in the trash as he exited the hospital.

The viewer stared at the screen, understanding dawning and popcorn not quite making it into the mouth. "So _that's_ what happened."


	2. The Cup

**Chapter 2 - The Cup**

And now we move to a blagger, possibly an undiagnosed kleptomaniac by the name of Mundungus Fletcher. Dear Fletcher just couldn't seem to help himself when he stumbled upon the fine looking teacup. Well, maybe not so much stumbled upon…more like peering through a window in a rich London neighborhood and deciding that he could probably get a lot of money for it. So, after another breaking and entering account was added to his already long rap sheet, he not so gracefully took the cup from its immaculate setting amongst other not so cheap looking collectables. He broke a few and took a few, but he knew he'd be getting the most from the lovely little teacup.

"I'll give you twenty US dollars for it." A tourist said to him about the teacup on a street corner.  
"Are you kidding me?! It's worth _at least_ fifty!" Fletcher was trying to negotiate. "Look at the intricate work on the badger."  
"It's ugly."  
"Ugly?!"  
The tourist rolled his eyes. "Fine, twenty-five."  
Insulted on the cup's behalf, Fletcher brought down the price. "Forty-five."  
"Thirty."  
"Forty."  
"Thirty-two."  
"Thirty-eight."  
"Oh will you just give him the damn money, my mother is going to love this thing!" The tourist's wife whined.  
The man begrudgingly handed him two twenty US dollar bills. He obviously didn't have any singles. "You're as bad as the peddlers in New York."  
"T'was a pleasure doing business with you, sir." Fletcher tipped his hat and waited for the next dumb tourist to pass by.

So alas, the precious little cup made its way overseas, coming to a rest in the Upper East Side of Manhattan. Oh how the tourist's wife's mother loved the little teacup. In fact, the dubbed ugly badger was now referred to as 'the darling little thing painted on it'. The cup was loved by all and the mother of the tourist's wife decided to pass it down to one of her children in her will.

The woman keeled over one day and all siblings were anxious for the will reading. The cup went to her youngest daughter…who didn't happen to be the one that gave it to her. A bitter custody battle began immediately, but ultimately the youngest daughter of the mother of the tourist's wife retained all rights to it. The family feuded for years to come.

The daughter of the youngest daughter of the mother of the tourist's wife hated the fighting. In fact she hated that damn thing. But she would never dare speak those unfathomable words, for she would probably be lynched sight on scene. One day she met a man at New School, the name of the school she attended. The name was lame and so was the reason behind naming it so. The founders were probably smoking some weed at the time, which was probably why the school was still known for its student population of stoners. 

The man proposed to the daughter of the youngest daughter of the mother of the tourist's wife, and she accepted. He was a Jewish man and she was not. She wasn't surprised that she was ending up marrying a Jewish man considering that the majority of the people of New York are. In fact, she was delighted to be participating in a traditional Jewish wedding ceremony…glass needed to be broken. 

And what better way to get rid of that damnable, home wrecking cup than to sneak it into the bag and step on it.

The wedding date couldn't come soon enough for the daughter of the youngest daughter of the mother of the tourist's wife. Like clockwork, she stole the cup out of the china set it was adorning without being caught and replaced the glass she was supposed to step on with the cup. When the time finally came, the bride was beaming. She stomped and stomped and stomped some more. Her new husband actually had to stop her when she started jumping up and down with joy on it.

Upon discovery the feuding family members came together and tried to glue it back together, but it wouldn't hold. Superglue seemed to work, but the cup looked deformed and the badger didn't line up quite right. The family decided the once darling, beautiful cup was the unsightly thing the tourist had originally saw it to be. They all made a mends and lived happily ever after…except for the new bride and groom who divorced a year later.

The viewer hit pause while choking on a piece of popcorn. "I knew that bastard was a klepto! I knew it!"

The disappointment that accompanied the fact that _To Catch a Predator_ was not being aired was beginning to lessen. Absolutely delighted by the show's enlightenment to the viewer's knowledge, the play button was pressed and the next segment began….


End file.
